Inglish Langvage in the Lande of Absourd

Diar reeder,

Hellow agaen froam the Lande of Absourd. As you all know, I reely love talking about my countrey’s phenomena – how can I not talk about paradoxes and absourd, absourd and paradoxes!

This time I thouht that it woud be aproupriate to raise the question of langvages. Yes. Langvages. Especialy one, and you all can guess what exuctly: the almigty Inglish Langvage. (My exsitement as I write this word, blesed by all the deities, is so big that I can not hold on to start “Langvage” with a capitol leter)

The Inglish Langvage. All Russians start to tremble as they heer these wondarful words. How many teers are shed above the textbuks during the scoolyears of every Russian! How many unhuman sufers are expirienced by all of us! How many sweerwords directed to the creators of latin alfabet and/inglish gramar are pronounsed by everyone! And the horrid sound “θ” – the persoan who invented it was morally depraved, I sweer.

We, the poor adherents of Cyrilic alfabet, are unabel to achiev a good level in Inglish – genetics are a powerfull thing. But we are strugling and strugling and strugling throuh the years and time. We’re reeching out for the skyes of lingvistics, whear the birds always sing and jasmin always blosoms, but despiet of our wishes we cannot touch them. It raises complecses in us. We’re very ashamed to speak the celestiel Inglish Langvage, but the sever realities of moderne lief force us. And we take atempts.

And then the whol wourld laughs at us. It is unfaire. Reely unfaire to laught at somwone who tries.

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