You may remember this author’s first film review here on Coolositable. It didn’t come out good for the movie. Next one: The second of the Transformers franchise.
Before we start with the review you have to ask yourself exactly 2 questions:
Would you think that a movie could be bad if you knew that it had a domestic total gross of $402,111,87? Would you think a movie could be bad if you saw that Steven Spielberg was the producer?
The answers are no – probably.
Well, our friends Michael Bay, Ehren Kruger, Alex Kurtzman, Roberto Orci and Steven Spielberg have proven the opposite with this movie. They produced a NIGHTMARE.
A 149 minutes long, stupid, naive, boom boom wham piece of boredom! The plot? Aaaah the world is gonna be destroyed if some blahblah isn’t found in blablabla (the actual language used in the film). To fill some of the 149 minutes (the plot only gives 5 minutes of superficial screentime) they had to keep on exploding cars, pyramids, center the great AMERICAN military, put wooden – no wooden’s too nice - cerebral tumor like dialogue into the piece of shit and did I already mention the explosions? Plus some of the worst actors on the planet, like Shia LaMaleActrice and the other blackhaired untalented slapper. Jokes that are just dumb and the plot just tries to accentuate how much EVERYONE LOVES the United States for example by just letting the fuckers eh main characters go through the borders of Jordan and Egypt because “they are on vacation and from New York”.
To quote John from Ally McBeal: “That troubles me.”
Want some more? Well here it comes:
The only person I know who liked this motherfucking shit piece of crap was an American who – I have to confess I don’t know him that well but in the four days we spent together he only used vocabulary like nice and… well I don’t remember any other. (Nono, I don’t think all Americans are stupid)
What does my friend Roger Ebert say about this?
“If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination.”
As Balthazar started the theme of random magic moments, I felt the inspiration to put down to paper (i’m oldschool, so that means “to transform into a bunch of soulless pixels on the screen“) a story that happened in…well, let’s say August. I’m actually experiencing a period of time paradoxes, so don’t even try to ask me what happened when, you’ll get only incoherent mumbling as an answer.
Random ideas usually lead to random actions in random places, so as a consequence of a VERY random day I happened to find myself on one of the main squares of my city (the Manege square, if you, my dear reader, are somehow familiar with Moscow topography.) And while we were hanging around the place, I noticed a wedding procession in the corner of the square. As I had to finish a film on my infamous Monstercamera, I decided to get closer and maybe get a few photos. Taking photos of strangers always was my favorite thing about portrait shootings, so why miss a chance?
While the bride was posing for another photographer, I made a photo of her. She noticed that and smiled widely. And something (maybe my own little duende sitting behind my back – yeah, living so close to the Spanish culture for the half of my life has its contagious things:)) made me say loudly a quote from Federico García Lorca’s “Blood wedding”: “La novia, la blanca novia, hoy doncella, mañana señora.” (“The bride, the white bride, today a girl and tomorrow a mistress”). She looked at me with a glimpse of surprise in her eyes, then smiled even more and…said the next cue from that play. Exactly.
I never happened to know why did she know that play so good, but this small accident left a warm feeling in my mind for a long time. And the photo came out pretty good, actually, like a little regard from the twenties.
"La novia, la blanca novia..."
Today something very inspiring happened – like very many things in my life - out of a clear sky.
When I was at a coffee shop, whom with people around the globe are familiar with & addicted to and the beverages are astronomically UNcheap (no this word doesn’t exist in English but I use it anyway), I had an extremely pleasant exchange of looks. You have to imagine it like this: I was in the red armchair with a book, my iPod, a gingerbread latte tall probably decaf with no whipped cream on it (bad barista forgot about it) which was pretty nice but not worth the 7.40 dollars, vis-à-vis two “rows” of chairs and then the wall which in front of two really good looking girls were sitting.
Of course I saw them and subconsciously began to act a little differently.
So while I was reading and nipping for about 40 minutes on my latte, I stole many glances, dark and filled with allusions of seductiveness, sometimes smiled temptingly because of my book (Mercure by Amélie Nothomb). And yes I did have their full attention. Even though they did inconspicuously talk, it was obvious that it was about that blonde, handsome man on the red settle, absorbed by his book and throwing juicy looks.
How do I know? I think this picture says it all:
After a pause from an extended shopping tour with my best friend, we sat down on a little bench. And then…there were these three ubercool people walking by – all with the same boots. So after a short discussion with my friend about whether I should go and ask them for a little shot – unfortunately only with a cellphone camera – I decided to do it. After a big compliment to them about their really cool and also revealing style, they agreed & posed. Like this, the first episode of Pvite originated.
What the hell is Pvite? Good question and you deserve an answer.
So Pvite is the new photo-series by Anna & Balthazar. In regular bases we will post photos of the cool side of life here on Coolositable. Just subscribe to the RSS feed and you’ll get a notification when a new episode arrives.
Balthazar
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